I forgot the importance of vulnerability and what it means to me. How it feels, how scary it is and what it is to feel that fear and move forward with it regardless. Being who I want to be while speaking my truth, exploring patterns of self doubt and habits that have been ingrained within me forever are extremely important to my happiness. I’m not afraid to look at the darker side of myself, the mistakes, the habits….. and own them. When I do, I work through them and further evolve into a better version of myself, the person I am destined to be.
We all experience a level of not enoughness. Not pretty enough, handsome enough, fit enough, not kind enough, not smart enough, not rich enough, not, not, not. We are all born ENOUGH, yet we listen to messages and absorb from others what we need to do to be enough – enough to be loved, enough to be desired, enough to be seen, enough to be worthy. Collectively, we are all born worthy and will always be worthy – & really, it is just that simple, yet so hard to feel.
Individually & we do things to feel good about ourselves that are outside of us – & using social media to numb ourselves disguised by over posting and the obsession with people “liking” your content. Seeking attention from others, numbing ourselves with tv, buying things we don’t need, surviving in & jobs that we aren’t passionate about, associating ourselves with people that don’t care about us only because they have some sort of status. We wear things that don’t express our true selves because they are hip. Anything and everything that will distract us from hearing the voice inside asking us to heal old wounds, to let go of limited beliefs, to love ourselves no matter what.
What if you took steps everyday to do something that comes from within? Something that fuels you from the inside. Imagine if you exercised because you loved your body and appreciated it for carrying you through this life. Imagine if you ate healthy because you loved yourself so much to give you the nutrients and vitamins to feel great. What if you helped someone in need without letting anyone know, without needing anything in return? What if you did something creative just for the simple pleasure of creating? What if you allow yourself the gift of meditating 10 minutes everyday, & just to see what happened?
I have lived a lot of my life living the way most do. Operating on autopilot, working on projects others thought were valuable, exercising because I didn’t love what I saw in the mirror, eating meals that made me feel sluggish and shitty because they tasted good. I would give my energy to people that just took, took, took and rarely gave back. I listened to my ego instead of my soul. I let my ego dictate what was right, what was good, what I SHOULD be doing and who I should be. I avoided that deep inner knowing from listening to my body, listening to gut feelings, physical pain and all the bodies signs encouraging us to listen within.
I have always been a seeker. From as long as I can remember, I would sit in bed and wonder why we were all on this earth. What was right and wrong, what did it all mean? I made myself anxious as a little kid imagining how high the sky went, why natural disasters occurred, how could I help everyone? I arrived into this world knowing we were all here for a higher purpose – not driving around in SUVs, wearing fancy stilettos or drinking fancy cocktails by the pool. (although I love all those things).
For the last 8 years, I really started to concentrate on a mission to fall deeply and madly in love with myself. To feel it in truthfully in every cell of my body,& deep in the core of my heart, in every breath I took. It’s been an amazing journey and with every year, my vision gets clearer while I become more certain that we are put on this earth to LOVE. To love others, to love everything, but mostly to love ourselves. When we do – it’s impossible not to love everything and everyone around us. In those pockets of time when I felt that love within, it radiated from me outwards ten fold.
I have realized over the years that I can’t attain this without being vulnerable, without being raw, and honest and real about the deep, dark things that have been living inside me. I realize that when I go there – when I face the fear and am brutally honest with myself and share it, that I fall deeper in love with myself. It’s the thought’s that I think, that make people run for the hills and yet, some how expressing them, I don’t care what others think. I love myself for being brave and courageous enough to be the voice that I know so many others feel and are afraid to let free. If my life’s work can simply be helping others connect with themselves through my words and truth, that will be enough. (although I plan on doing much more than that)